august 20 etc
Blogging has been easy lately because it has felt like the first time. Not the first time again. The first time. And in a lot of ways it is the first time.
Twenty years ago I was an avid blog reader. Blogging was fresh and exciting. People were putting big pieces of themselves online and I thought they were so cool and brave. I still think they were so cool and brave to do what they did when they did it and I'm grateful to have read all the weird and amazing things they wrote.
Back then I wanted to blog about things I thought and felt and was curious about and was concerned with —— but I didn't do it. Back then I wasn't brave. Back then I was so worried about what people thought of me and how they might be judging me that I had trouble even thinking about starting a proper blog. (Yes, there was a Wordpress blog that a few of you may remember, but I never wrote real stuff there and when I destroyed it all in 2007 or so it didn't feel like a real loss. If anything, I was relieved that it was gone.)
It will not surprise anyone who knows me to hear that I often think back to who I was from 1995–2005. A byproduct of the (hard won) mental and emotional clarity I have now is a desire to re-examine my life in order to figure out why I did certain things but not other things, and why I took certain risks but didn't come within driving distance of others.
In the past this kind of look-back would end with me writing some long email to an old lover or friend because it wasn't enough to have regrets, I had to find a way to hurt myself with those regrets. That was how I viewed the world and my place in it. I held myself to a standard that didn't allow for mistakes. I dressed it up as seriousness and manliness (or whatever) but it was just shame and self-loathing —— two things I learned to do at a very young age.
When I think back to those times, now, I don't look for the mistakes or paths not taken. I don't wonder what would have happened if I had committed fully to a girlfriend or a job or a course of study because there's no point in doing so. At the end of the day, life comes down to things you do and things you don't do, and poring over mistakes is a waste of time because the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze. Whatever wisdom and understanding you may get pales in comparison to how much pain you're causing yourself.
If you're the kind of person who is hard on themselves, who relentlessly self-criticizes, who spends a lot of time wondering often about the life they could have had if they had only made that choice or took that chance... I get it. You're not a bad person but you need to stop doing that shit right now because the past doesn't exist. Nostalgia used to be considered a form of mental illness and I think we should bring that kind of thinking back, if only so that the dumbest people you know will stop BoomerPosting about how peachy keen and super swell the 1950s and 1960s must have been.
Your entire future is ahead of you and you're burning daylight, so stop looking back and start looking ahead.
Anyway, you don't come here to hear me prattle on about life —— you come here for the links, so...
On y va!
🦐☢️ The United States is currently at the FDA warns public not to eat possibly radioactive shrimp sold at Walmart stage of So MuCh WiNnInG. (Unusual Whales)
🍫📺 My partner and I just started watching Snack vs. Chef, a Netflix cooking show from 2022 hosted by Megan Stalter (from Hacks and Too Much) and Hari Kondabolu (The Problem with Apu). The show only got one season but it's good as heck and you may want to check it out if you are interested in how complex junk food actually is. (Wikipedia)
🤯🤯 Sidebar: I was today years old when I found out that Hari Kondabolu's brother is Dapwell from Das Racist. (Wikipedia)
💰👀 Want to invest in the same things insider trading ass politicians do roughly when they do? Other people did too. (Quiver Quantitative)
🔤🔤 Need a new word game in your life? Want it to be hard and frustrating? A guy named Wilf Ashworth built a game for you! (wilf.live)
👅👅 If you've ever wanted to connect two pies in a horrifying way, check this out. (Instagram/topzy0)
🦑🦑 Don't ask me why but it makes perfect sense to me that her name is Natasha. (Instagram/beetlemoses)
🏀🎙️ A few hours ago I recorded a new episode of Red Black Comeback, a basketball podcast (heavy focus on the Raptors, Trail Blazers, and WNBA) that I do with my buddy Jonathan in Portland, OR. We're still finding our form, but would love for you to check us out if you're interested.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go
🌱 touch wash
🌳 grass dishes
🌷 now
Be good to yourself.
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